Christmas Break

Oh Christmas break, how i can't wait for you to come

Sleeping in, nothing expected of me

It is my favorite part of the school year

Fun with family and friends

No Macs or Shakespeare

Only relaxation and joy

Christmas break, you are only a day away.

The Snowball Fight

The snow fell and all was blissfully sweet. I spun round and round in circles with my arms stretched out and my smile wide and broad. I was so very very happy. BAM! I was hit by a snowball. Slowly, slowly, slowly I fell down. My feelings, crushed. My spirit, crushed. My happiness, super crushed. I looked up. Patrick Gillen. Oh, Patrick Gillen. He who throws snowballs. Patrick. Michael. Gillen.

The snowball fight officially started.

The snowballs go that way, the snowballs go this way. Whirling, twirling, slamming, hitting.

Then Patrick went way too far.

He put a rock in one of his snowballs.

Yes, a rock.

Yes, it did hit Liz.

And she did cry.

Nobody wants bruises on Christmas.

Nobody.

Especially not innocent little girls who just wanted to spin round in circles.

"You ruined Christmas Pat."

"It was just a little rock. I thought it would be funny. I thought you were tough enough to handle a little old rock."

"You are an astronaut Pat. You fly around in space and have zero gravity. You are an astronaut."

"Now that is going too far Liz."

"I'm sorry. I'm done talking to you for 45 minutes. You are a big fat meanie butt."

"Ughhhhh....."

The snow continued to fall as Liz walked away, forever into the snowy abyss.

THE END YO

The Year Patrick Ruined Christmas

Once upon a time in a small town called Knox, Pennsylvania, lived a girl named Elizabeth. This young girl had the most Christmas spirit in all of the town until last Christmas when everything that she had hoped and dreamed for a perfect Christmas had not come true. This epic fail of a Christmas forever ruined the holiday for young Elizabeth. This is that story....

One year ago a week before Christmas Elizabeth had her entire Christmas break, er I mean Holiday Break (I must be politically correct), planned out. She would spend time with her family on Christmas enjoying the season, and also go on as many epic adventures with her friends as she could. Some of these friends were returning from college and it had been months since she had seen them, and she wanted to make great memories with them that would keep her from being depressed until Spring break.

The day before break Elizabeth was in school experiencing the monotony that is the last day before break. She was forced to watch the awful "Fred Claus" and could not wait to get out of school and do all the things she had planned. Elizabeth had planned to go home that night and make Christmas cookies for her good friend Ben. She knew how much he liked her cookies and felt that it would be a great present for him. As she was preparing to make the cookies Patrick called.

"Yes Pat?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making cookies for my good friend Ben Hogue. He's such a nice guy that I thought I'd make him these to show how good of friends we are."

"Well can I help?"

"Ummm..... isn't Festivus tonight?"

"We already did that."

"Were you beat up in the feats of strength again?"

"No, no. So cookies for Ben huh? That's a really good idea. I would enjoy helping you with that."

"Ok well you can come over as long as you promise not to mess anything up."

"I promise." Pat said with his fingers crossed.

Pat was angry with Ben because he had just gotten beat up in the feats of strength. Pat couldn't figure out why Ben beat him up so badly, but it was because he had been a major jerk hole lately and someone had to do it, and Festivus (the made up holiday from Seinfeld that they all celebrated on December 23 to boycott the commercialism of Christmas.) was the perfect time to do it. Because of the whole getting beat up issue, although it was tradition and in the spirit of the holiday, Pat was angry at Ben. This seemed to happen every year. Pat would volunteer for the feats of strength, which is essentially a wrestling match and the loser is the one who gets punched in the nose first, and then subsequently get the crap kicked out of him by one of his "friends" and then get all mad. Pat's plan to get back at Ben was to ruin the cookies Elizabeth was making him. Little did he know that this would put a damper on Elizabeth's Christmas. While they were making the cookies Elizabeth told Patrick he could mix them, when she walked out of the room he added a whole bunch of salt.

The next day when Elizabeth dropped off the cookies she was in a very good mood. Patrick was as well only his mood was based on the evil that was about to occur. As Ben took a bite of the first cookie he knew it didn't taste quite right. He tried to hide it though and ate the whole thing. After eating almost five of the cookies Ben didn't feel well. His mouth was dried out and his stomach was turning. He ran to the bathroom and vomited. He came out of the bathroom very upset.

"Liz did you put all of that salt in those cookies as a joke?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Well none of your cookies have ever tasted like that and I think you were doing it as a practical joke. That wasn't funny! I'm really sick now."

Elizabeth ran out the door very upset, and Patrick slowly walked out behind her laughing maniacally.

Elizabeth was very upset by the whole cookie incident, but Patrick wasn't done yet. He was out to ruin Christmas for everyone, but sadly enough he would end up only ruining it for Elizabeth. Patrick's next evil plan was the most diabolical yet. Elizabeth and her friends had planned a nice Christmas party. At this Christmas party they ate dinner, and gave each other Christmas presents. This made Patrick, who is somewhat like the Grinch in this story only he doesn't learn a lesson, very angry. He was upset that he wasn't getting any of the chocolate pretzels, puppy chow, and Christmas cookies they were having. He decided he would break into Ashley's house and steal all of the goodies before the girls got there.

While the girl's were at school Patrick put his plan into action. He drove to the house on Peterson Avenue and broke in. When I say he broke in i mean he walked in the front door, because let's face it not to many people lock their doors here in Knox. He snuck into the kitchen where the goodies were and put them all in his massive backpack. He had victory again, only he had made a huge mistake. He had left his Keystone track jacket with the name Gillen hanging on one of the chairs in the dining room.

When the girls reached the house after school they were all excited to eat their treats and give each other their presents, but when they walked in the kitchen they knew something was wrong. Elizabeth was the first to notice that the treats were gone, and the first to notice the jacket on the chair, but before she could grab it and hide it the girls pounced on her.

"Your stupid boyfriend took all of our treats!"

"It wasn't my fault. I don't know why he would do that."

"Well how are we supposed to have a good time without our treats. He ruined our party. Thanks a lot Liz."

Poor Elizabeth was heartbroken. She drove down to her house and locked herself in her room for the rest of the night. Why, she wondered, was Patrick ruining everything?

Patrick sat in his room that night singing songs of joy. He had his treats, and he had almost given Ben a lethal dose of salt. It wasn't enough though. He needed to ruin more people's Christmases. From there on out he did the most evil things that he could, and they all somehow come back around to ruining Elizabeth's holiday season. Caitlin's blindfold was cut to shreds, it was a present from Liz, and James' air-soft bullets were poured down the drain. Dee's candy was eaten, and his parents' third season of "The Office" was taken for his own enjoyment. Any present that was given to someone from Elizabeth was either taken or destroyed. Elizabeth was so depressed because everyone thought she either didn't get them presents, tried to poison them, or ate all of their candy. Christmas was not going the way she had planned it at all, and everyone was mad at her. Finally, Patrick did something that just made her snap. When the exchanged presents he gave her size fifteen Steeler's flip-flops.

"What is wrong with you Patrick?"

"What did I do? Are they to big?"

"They're size fifteen Patrick. Were you even thinking when you bought these. I don't even like football that much."

"I thought it was the thought that counted?"

"You didn't put any thought into this present at all. You're so stupid! You've ruined my Christmas."

Elizabeth went home that night vowing to never enjoy Christmas again. Patrick had ruined it. There would be no more singing Christmas songs for her, or making cookies, or buying people presents they would really enjoy. She no longer believed in the Christmas spirit.

The Sticker Kids

It was a drabby day in room 115 when Ben and Liz entered creative writing. They were casually discussing important things such as world peace and toxic waste dump infernos. All of a sudden they noticed on the other creative writing classes picture stickers of achievement! They knew that they would have to do something nasty and dasterdly in order to get back at them. I wonder how they feel about being "naughty" and "the dumb writing class".

bahahahaha

Woooosh!!!!

At the speed of light

Down the track he goes.

Turning left, right

He picks up speed

A sheet of ice

The wind in his face

The cold metal on his bottom

He can see the finish line

The gold medal

The glory

The fame

And then...

He hits a bump

And crashes into a pile of snow

The little boy snaps back

The metal was plastic

And the track a hill

But the medal to him was real

And the little boy still dreams.

The Night Santa Didn't Bring Ben Hogelstein Any Presents, Just Coal

Ben Hogelstein was a bad kid that whole entire year

he had treated his brother badly

and filled his mother with fear.

Ben treated girls like poop

and was filled with angry thoughts.

He didn't even feel the need to cook his sister soup.

His attitude was bad

as Ms. Rutkowski liked to say.

Every single day, he made Liz Kersey very sad.

Santa watched him from above

with a frown upon his face,

as Ben tripped Seth and gave Dan a big fat shove.

It was Christmas Eve and Santa got into his sled

he took off into the sky with his reindeer and the toys.

Flying above the chimneys the presents he did shed.

As Santa flew over Ben's house he let out a big ho ho ho

for he knew Ben wasn't getting anything but coal.

He knew fo sho.

Ben woke up Christmas morning with hope in his eyes,

he looked underneath his Christmas tree

and was suddenly filled with cries.

"MOM! DAD! Santa didn't get me any toys!"

"We know Ben," They said,

"Toys are only for good boys."

Ben decided from that day forth he would be a good boy

he was nice to all his friends

and even Taylor Toy.

The moral of this story

is always be a good kid,

or else you won't get presents.

The End

In a world such as this

you have to smile . . .

Even though your teeth are bad

and when you grin

your double chin

folds over on itself

and just makes your face look

fat

In a world such as this

you have to laugh . . .

Even if your laugh

sounds like a hyena married

a fire truck and it

makes dogs hold their

heads off to the side

and make that weird face

In a world such as this

you have to be glad . . .

That things didn't turn

out worse and that your

mind still kind of works

and your arms and legs and fingers

still move.

Because each day brings

enough joy to make it all

worthwhile

Even in a world such as this . . .

and if you're really lucky

you get the joke.