The History Behind THELIZ

It was a beautiful summery day in the year 2008. Liz, Pat, Ben and Capri decided to go swimming down in Dotter's Eddy. Now Pat, Ben and Capri were all certified lifeguards with lifeguarding jobs but little Elizabeth was just a lowly lavender picker who had no swimming ability what so ever. This was a well known fact so Pat, Ben and Capri decided to engage in a nose goes-ing event. The last one with their finger on their nose would have to safe Liz in the unfortunate event of her failing to stay above the water. Pat lost, he was to be her lifesaver that day.

LATER

There was a cute little toy boat Pat picked up from work and they were all playing with it. They were also playing with an over inflated football that hurt when you tried to catch it. As they were playing both the boat and the football started to float away. Someone yelled "THE BOAT!" another person yelled "THE BALL". Liz decided to be the hero and try to get both of these toys, but as she went to get them someone called out, "THE LIZ." Thus TheLiz was born.

Oh What to do When the Creative Juices Stop Flowing

Oh what to do when the creative juices stop flowing,

it's like the course they use to take has shut down,

or they have frozen mid way to my brain.

Oh what to do when the creative juices stop flowing,

I can't think of anything in depth

I can't think of anything thought provoking.

Oh what to do when the creative juices stop flowing,

do I quit?

Or do I find another means to express myself?

Oh what to do when the creative juices stop flowing.

A cautionary tale . . .

We need to remember that we are blogging at school---or at homefor school purposes---when we post to the Jeniuses, the Spektors, the Mutts, or any of the English 10 blogs, so we have to abide by all AUP guidelines.

I can't help noticing that some of our more avid posters have begun to overlap their school identities and their private identities. Sometimes this is OK, but I noticed that a few of the followers have some pretty sketchily-named blogs on their lists of other blogs they follow, and I need you to correct this.

If a blog has a name you can't say at school, you can't tell us you follow it on a school blog.

Please---check your lists and make the necessary adjustments.

And please---don't let this dampen your enthusiasm for all things blog and web 2.0 that many of you have only so recently begun creating---just let's keep it all school at school.

The Crack

The crack has grown

But why?

This beautiful stained glass window was once one,

But now

It is breaking apart into two.

The crack started small

Nothing to be concerned about

Everyone said.

Only a small crack

It cannot hurt the integrity

Of the glass.

Had it been fixed right away

The glass would be whole,

But as time passes

The crack continues to grow

Leading towards

The imminent doom

That lies ahead...

It will shatter,

And become but only a memory

Of what it once was.

Spell Check or How Hard Is It?

Clearly, this could be the title of a Shakespearean play, but it's not. Sadly, yet again, I, your intrepid instructor, have managed to send poor TheLiz into a deep blue haze of mopery simply by suggesting that it might behoove one to check one's spelling now and then.

I fear I may have dealt a death blow to her creative flame. I fear, indeed. Because how do I know? She might be the e e cummings of misspelling. Maybe that's her style! Maybe that's her style.

I must go away and ponder.

Does anybody want to write a drama for NBC's vacant 10 o'clock time slot? We can all be rich, rich, rich!

I em gonta mispell evry werd n ths sintince xcept I. Hey, TheLiz, it does so put the red squiggly line under the words. Ha!!!!

Starting Over

Reflections on the next to the last day . . .

Looking back is rarely

the best way to proceed

You might just trip over

obstacles ahead

But look back I must---

not without a certain longing

a longing to have done more

to have been better

to have inspired not fear and loathing

but pride and confidence

Failing myself, my young protégés,

my mother, and all my ancestors

I am tempted to give up

to admit defeat . . .

But then

at the last possible second

a light appears, a faint light

down a long dazzling tube

It’s so---beautiful

“Follow the light,”

a warm, enveloping voice intones.

“Follow the light.”

It’s so---beautiful

and I float up away from the hunched figure

tapping out remorse on the keyboard . . .

I am light as a feather as I hover there

“Follow the light.”

It’s so beautiful.

And I laugh . . .

“What are you doing?”

It’s Ben and I realize that I am

not hovering over the hunched figure

I am the hunched figure---still

“Are you laughing at your own writing?”

Ben asks.

Elizabeth scowls

“Yes,” I say.

And we’re back . . .

Bring it, Semester 2!

Ode to Semester One

Semester one creative writing has been such a joy

The laughs, the tears (mostly from Elizabeth) and the not so memorable times

The great poems, and the not so great ones

The odes and the stories

All have combined for one amazing semester of creativity

Semester one has given us the Night Spektors and Gobbles

I Remember and the Darkness of War

We have also created together the Chicken Nugget Incident

And a glog.

What haven't we done in semester one?

I can answer that.

We haven't conquered the world,

But that's about it.

What can we expect for semester two?

Ms. Rut says she'll be more attentive

So therefore I believe...

The stories will be greater

The poems deeper

And although semester one is hard to top

Semester two has the potential

To be...

The best semester ever.

The Downfall of James and His Nice Sidekick Sara

It was the last day of the first semester of creative writing. The teacher Ms. Rutkowski was at her wits end because she still had an immense amount of things to grade. The good creative writing students, Elizabeth and Benjamin, were at their wits end because they still had 4 more months until graduation. With senior projects done and the first semester almost behind them they were ready to get out. They were constantly writing poems about how much they despised school and wished for the blessed summer and their new lives that were sure to follow. Little did they know there were two loser students who were trying to stop this from happening.

These students were the loser creative writers. They can't even spell genius correctly! (see Junior Jenuises). They were mad because not only did Liz and Ben write all the good and interesting stories, but they still had another year on top of the four months left of Ben and Liz's senior year. There was James who was a slightly taller version of Danny DeVito with slightly more hair and Sara who was like Princess Peach only with brown hair and slightly more athleticism (have you ever won a single Mario Cart race or any other Mario game as Princess Peach? I didn't think so.) They were also jealous of Liz and Ben because Ben was like Gumby with hair and Liz was like the chick from Pirates of the Caribbean only less dirty. They were practically perfect.

James decided that he and Sara needed to do something diabolical in order to make Liz and Ben the loser students instead of the star students. Something sick and diabolical...

The Next Day!!

Ben and Liz logged onto their blog the Night Spektors for the first time since before the weekend. All of a sudden Ben burst into tears and Liz gasped in shock.

"What is it?! What is it?!" Ms. Rut yelled loudly.

What was it? Nasty, nasty poems and stories and videos were posted on the Night Spektors blog. Stories about James playing hockey and failing and Sara and her band breaking up. There were videos of James' favorite singer Britany Spears covering the blog. Liz and Ben were dismayed. Ms. Rut was very very angry. She told Liz and Ben they needed to straighten up and write good things on the blog instead of crappy stories attacking James and Sara all the time.

"Ms. Rut when we write mean stories about James and Sara they're really good!! We hardly ever attack Sara anyway because she's nice and we like her! James is the mean one." Ben cried.

"Ms. Rut seriously, it was obviously James and Sara. James loves Britany Spears!" Liz exclaimed vivaciously.

"I don't care! It was you two, I know it!"

"Ms. Rut!! No it wasn't!!" Ben and Liz yelled together.

"I'm kicking you guys off the blog and now you have to use pencils and paper! That's what you get for putting this trash on your blog!"

Benjamin yelled, "NOT PENCILS AND PAPER!!!"

"IT WASN'T OUR FAULT!" came from Elizabeth.

At that precise moment a diabolical laugh came from outside the door. It was none other than that dastardly, no good, rotten James. As Ben started to cry, Liz thought of all the reasons James might have done what he did. Could it be the time he couldn't bring Jess to dinner, or the chicken nugget incident, or possibly even the phenomenal fictional work of Ben Hogue teasing James about a road trip? Liz just couldn't understand what it was that had turned sweet little Jamers into a plotting evil JENIUS ahem.. GENIUS.

The Day After That!!

It was Saturday and Liz and Ben were together plotting, scheming and conniving. They needed to get back at James for all the wrongs he had done (and Sara by association). Out of all of their evil genius ideas one was so mean and so vicious and so deliciously good that they had to go through with it. They named it 'Plan Jim Is Going Down (but we won't be mean to Sara because of the whole Princess Peach esque she has about her, but if this plan fails we might have to be mean to her in the next one)'.

Monday Monday, So Good to Me... It's Just Another Manic Monday...

It was Monday. Ben and Liz were ready to put their plan into action. It would have to wait until lunch though because that's what the whole plan revolved around. What they were going to do was wait until James was putting his tray away and trick him into throwing his fork into the garbage can. Anyone who has ever done this terrible act can understand the wrath that comes from the lunch ladies when one of their forks is thrown away.

The plan started off splendidly. Ben walked with James as James was putting his tray away. Ben was very good at distracting. Just as James was about to dump his tray in the garbage with his fork still on the tray he said "Oh, I almost threw my fork away!" and he put it in the fork return. Ben came back to the table disheveled.

"How did it go?" Liz asked excitedly because she wanted to know when Farly would start screaming. Ben put his head down and said. "I failed."

Monday Night

Back to the drawing board they went. They decided with this next plan there would be no mercy. It would be a total demise of James (and Sara too this time). This was called 'Plan Plant'.

Tuesday

Ms. Rut arrived to her classroom a half hour before any of the other teachers even got to the school because that is how much she cares about the class. She set her coffee thermos on the desk as well as her mug, opened her laptop and turned it on and put all of her papers in order so her desk would be organized and functional throughout the day. All of a sudden Ms. Rut's eyes filled with awe and admiration. "What is this I have found upon my desk?" She exclaimed out loud. It was a plant. A beautiful and colorful plant. It was almost like someone had arranged all of the most beautiful flowers of the world and put it in a pot for Ms. Rut. "Wow" she said. All was going splendidly until she took a big whiff of the plant and fell over immediately. She wasn't dead, just knocked unconscious. The last thing she could remember was the faint smell of lavender.

Mr. Warner and Mr. Vaughn were the first to discover Ms. Rut. At first they were very scared but once they realized she was alive they drank her coffee, turned off her computer, messed up her desk and drew a mustache on Ms. Rut's upper lip. Then they went to their classrooms. As kids arrived they were very enthused because they didn't have English for the day. It wasn't until second period that Ms. Rut got cared for by Liz and Ben. Luckily Ben had special smelling salts on him that revived Ms. Rut immediately.

"Wow Ms. Rut, it looks like you had quite the fall!" said Liz.

"Yeah Rut, what happened?" Ben questioned.

"The last thing I can remember is smelling that interesting plant."

Ben walked over reached his hand into the plethora of foliage. He pulled out a card and this is what it said: 'Ms. Rut, I hope you like these purtty plants. Love Jim and Sara'.

James and Sara were instantly kicked out of creative writing and Liz and Ben remained the star creative writers.

THE END

Dear Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Life is not so bad.

Although we have four more months of school

And your boyfriend is two hours away

Things could be worse.

You could be a junior

And you could not have a boyfriend

You could also have no friends

And worst of all

You could have a year and a half left of school.

So buck up

Just remember

You're a senior.

Sincerely,

Your Best Friend Ben Hogue

Ode to Popcorn

Fluffy mishapen balls of goodness,

oh, how I love thy salty and buttery taste.

Perfect for any movie or theater watching experience,

holding hands and eating this delicasy makes the perfect date.

My ode to popcorn,

how I love it.

Sorry it's late . . .

It's not an ecard, but I hope you like it.

Puppets on a rollercoaster couch

courtesy of youtube

Classmate Hell

I will put this on as soon as I print it out and type it up over here.

My apologies.

Ms. Rut, you still owe me an e-card.

Just saying.

AAHHH!!!!!

Will I make it?

To the end of the school year.

It seems so far away

And all I want is to graduate.

I think I might cry

Because of all this monotony

Once my senior project is complete

Why do I have to be here?

If I make it through February and March alive

Then everything will be okay.

But all I really want

Is for it to be May.

Farewell Christmas Break

Farewell Christmas break

Oh how epic you were

This day has been depressing

And I miss all of the fun

Farewell Christmas break

I miss sleeping in

Miss all my college friends

I don't want to be in school

Farewell Christmas break

May you rest in peace

Till next year

When my break will be a month.